


Starlight with the sociopaths

by Crocodiles Fanclub (cassiel_aurion)



Series: Starlight Stories (2019) [1]
Category: Final Fantasy XIV
Genre: Cannibalism, Other, don't cut yourself on that edge
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-21
Updated: 2019-12-21
Packaged: 2021-02-25 21:21:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,070
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21892072
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cassiel_aurion/pseuds/Crocodiles%20Fanclub
Summary: Three cannibals get together for this holiday in a story as heartwarming as a freshly slaughtered corpse.
Relationships: Louis x Qih'wo
Series: Starlight Stories (2019) [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1576990





	Starlight with the sociopaths

From a goobbue laurel wreath nailed to this shop’s door to those colorful Starlight lights hanging from the city walls, all these holiday preparations were making Ul’dah looked less of a hellhole. A wandering choir, presently at Sapphire Avenue’s corner was singing We Wish a Merry Starlight. A most appetizing smell of freshly baked donuts was floating around the local pâtisserie. Running as fast as he could on his short legs, a lalafell gentleman was disappearing under a pile of presents he recently acquired. Oh, because he couldn’t see a thing, a street urchin just swapped a box from the pile, replacing with a rock. Ah, some things never change. Celebrations or not, Ul’dah was still Ul’dah.

-Happy Starlight, sir!

Qih’wo Lihzeh peeked over his shades. Before him, a Brass blade, sporting one of those fake, fluffy Saint’s beard, was waving to him. How creepily friendly. Yet, he had to answer:

-Happy Starlight.

Even in Thanalan, the weather was getting colder. He had a shiver, tucking his hands in the pockets of his glacial coat. Gods, how Ishgardian could even live?

  
  


«And to think Louis likes the cold. That has been sufficient proof to demonstrate he is irredeemably insane.»

  
  


He sighed, exhaling a long white cloud in the crispy air. His lover wasn’t his usual self lately. He kept moping around, gloomy, lifeless, sleeping all of his suns (and nights) away. Qih’wo tried what he usually does: bring his beloved out to a nice restaurant and giving him something expensive. They went to this Lominsan place, where it was necessary to have at least one moon of reservation in advance; Luckily, this wasn’t out of the way with some bribery. Date night, Louis barely touched his Chocobo tartar. He kept looking around, visibly bored. When Qih’wo offered the gift he had for him, a ring that was carrying a poisoned needle perfect for assassination, he had no particular reaction. There had been a lukewarm “Thanks.” and that was all. That sennight following that fiasco, Qih’wo had a new idea: “My dear, I just received an order for a pair of kidneys. Would you like to do me the honor?” The horror. He only said: “Sure.” No happy clapping of the hand, no singing of anticipation. Sure. He said ‘Sure’! They both went to the basement and it was in a methodical, disinterested manner Louis cut the body up, collecting what needed. “Are you not hungry?” Asked Qih’wo. “Not really.” had answered his lover. And so, the corpse stayed there, not even to have its flesh ripped from its bone. Louis was about to leave when Qih’wo tried once more: “Do you not even want to take a bite of the shin? It is one of your favorite parts in a Spoken body.” He had shrugged, climbed the stairs and went back to his bedroom.

All of this was so very concerning.

House key turning in the lock of his little home in Gobelet, he wasn’t surprised to find everything in the dark when he entered the hallway. There was a very distinct smell of pine in the air: he bought a real tree, from a Coerthan vendor, to put in the living room. He had let Louis the pleasure to decorate it because Twelve knew his beloved’s sense of aesthetic was better than his. He had such a delicate soul!

Qih’wo remembered this snowy afternoon when he watched his other half taking this task very seriously. With some red paper, Louis had cut garlands shaped like intestines to wrapped around the branches. Carefully, a bit of the tongue sticking out of his mouth, he painted over wooden ornaments to make them look like eyes. In lieu of a star at the very top of the tree, there was a decapitated head. It was bearing the semblance of Aymeric de Borel: quite realistic, it was to believe it was flesh and blood. It had a mechanism inside and periodically, it would bleed from its severed neck. Truly, there was nothing like that to put one in the spirit of the holiday.

-I am home!

No answer.

-Where is my little prince of darkness?

Going from candelabrum to candelabrum, kindling wickes as he went along. Navigating his living space until, suddenly, his foot bumped against a huge paw. Ah. He raised his arm, throwing the illumination farther away. That foot was attached to a leg, which in turn, was attached to a big, fluffy body. Its fur, white as snow, had this faint shimmer under the candlelight. It was lying on its stomach, four legs spread out in a weird angle. It was impossible to go further. The whole corridor was being blocked with hairs, claws, and muscles.

-May I ask what are you doing in your true form?

A lupine head raised from the ground, looking over its shoulder, toward Qih’wo. In those black, lightless eyes, two irises were freely floating in all directions; they always remind him of water striders gliding on water, for some reason. Perhaps because they were always moving in hectic, unpredictable motions. As a result, it was impossible to know at what Louis was looking at.

-I wanted to stretch out.

That deep, otherworldly, voice had always this slight reverberation even if spoken in a perfectly, non-echoey, environment.

-The whole house will now stink up with your wet dog smell.

-Aren’t you glad?

Qih’wo had a short-lived chuckle.

-I would be happier if you were not blocking the corridor.

-What can I say? (His wolfish lips turned upward, baring his fangs in a sort of smile.) I can’t be pleasant all the time.

-Please, go back to your Spoken form.

-Alright.

Every time Louis was shapeshifting, there was this cacophony of bones cracking, as his silhouette transfigured. From paws emerged hands, from muzzle, a Spoken face. His heavy coat of fur made way for his soft, smooth skin. A minute later, the wolf-like monster has been replaced by a petite Midlander. He was naked, his personal belongings were never following in his transformation. He still hadn't moved out of the way but that time, Qih’wo was able to step around.

-Is it your plan to stay all sun in the corridor?

-Maybe.

In a sigh, Qih’wo sat on the ground, taking Louis’ head on his lap. Tenderly gliding his fingers through his beloved’s into hair, he pursed his lips.

-Gods, what I am to do with you?

-Sell me to a Voidsent hunter and collect part of the bounty.

-Now, now, let us not go into suicidal talk again.

-T’is the season.

-For suicidal talk?

-Yeah.

Soft was Louis’ hair. Soft as his fur when he was in his Voidsent form. It must surely be what petting a cloud felt like.

-Why is that?

-Starlight is happy as a funeral. A lot of people kill themselves at that time of the year.

-Do you not usually find this hilarious?

-It is hilarious.

-You are not laughing.

-I forgot how.

Qih’wo’s fingers glided down toward Louis’ spine, feeling it under his skin.

-I noticed you were not feeling like yourself lately.

His lover quirked a brow, throwing a glance upward.

-Have I, now?

-Your schedule has been reduced to sleeping and moping.

-Ha! I’m fine, it’s only been for the last moon. I have yet to break my two hundred and fifty-five years-long depression record.

-Is there anything bothering you?

-Zucchini ice cream is still not a thing even after I asked for it at least fifty times at Cocobupi’s Cream Coco. I swear to Echidna, next time he says “no” I’m going to make myself some lalafell brain slushie.

-I doubt the lack of zucchini ice cream is what makes you so gloomy. (Bending over, he cradled Louis in his arms, to whisper:) If you tell me honestly what is wrong, tonight, I will beat you until you pass out.

-Will you use the metal club?

-I will use the metal club.

There was an immediate reaction. He could feel his darling’s skin blooming, covering itself in goosebumps of anticipation.

-You sure know how to sweeten a deal. (A few seconds then the confession came.) I miss home.

Qih’wo opened his mouth only to close it. What could he say to comfort him? Before he could find the words, Louis spoke anew, slowly at first, getting more animated, more aggressive as he went along.

-For how many hundreds of years have I been stuck here? I… I want to go back. I want to run on the blackened shore Tillietudlem, gaze upon Dun Scaith, curl up on the Thousand-Screams-Of-Agony Plains. Gehenna, I want to feel your foul wind battering my very bones once more! Cocytus, I want to feel my blood boiling under your wicked iciness again! I want to climb the Mountains of Madness and howl at the moon, my moon, not this pale and lifeless imitation that can’t even answer you! (All at once, the tension on his body dropped down.) Ah, you have no idea. You have no idea how I’m tired of this shitty star.

-I… (Rare as the time he was stuttering but he needed a moment.) I am sorry. I wish I could help you.

-Eh, you can’t do anything about it. I can’t do anything about it. No one can do anything about it. I realized it, some time ago: “Starlight is approaching, everyone goes back home. Everyone except me.”

-Look at me.

Lifelessly obeying, Louis shifted his position, back of his head now on Qih’wo’s knees, facing him.

-You are home. (He cupped his cheek, offering him his most tender, genuine smile.) I am here with you.

-For now. I blink, you age ten years. I’ll blink again and I’ll be eating your decrepit corpse.

Qih’wo’s smile stiffened. His decrepit corpse… His mortality.

-My dear, would you like some mulled wine?

-Sure, why not.

Sliding Louis off him, Qih’wo stood up. Happy was he when he saw his beloved following to the kitchen instead of choosing to mop in the corridor. While he opened the cold box, Louis sat his naked butt directly on the counter.

-Oh, Abyss, it’s the new neighbor. What was his name again...? M...Mauviette?

Shuffling groceries out of the way, Qih’wo answered:

-Maupassant.

-He’s looking through our window.

Peeking over the ice box’s door, Qih’wo confirmed:

-He is. (Diving again in the cold box.) What an extremely rude man.

-He looks like a sex offender that avoided legal repercussions for the last twenty years. (Louis cackled in his characteristic ‘kehehehe’ laugh.) Succubus’ tits, he noticed me.

-Just smile and wave him back.

Pulling out the wine out of the box, Qih’wo saw Louis exactly that, not without muttering something through his fangs:

-Yes, dear neighbor. I honestly believe you are driving around in a white caravan with “free candies“ written on the side.

-Louis, you are still unclothed.

-Who cares? Tell him I’m really into nudism next time you cross his path while getting the mail. He might get hard but hey.

Pouring the alcohol in a saucepan, whisk in the other hand, Qih’wo watched Maupassant turning heels and abandoning his window-watching.

-Thanks the Twelve, he is finally leaving.

-What, you didn’t want to spy on us through our window for the rest of the sun, creepo? Yeah, that’s it, go back to your hole. (Louis’ attention went back to his interlocutor.) Don’t reheat too quickly, it will evaporate.

-I do know that much.

-Oh, while you were gone, Raih’a called.

-How is he?

-He’s tired but good. He got a bit sick last sennight but he took a potion of vitality and everything was fine. He told me his boss likes him a lot, he gets along with the rest of the organization. He also killed his fifteenth guy this sennight and was pretty happy about it. “Blood went all over, pops, you should have seen it!” (As usual, his imitations were always on point. He really captured how Raih’a spoke.) He enjoys that Ishgardian pistol you got him. He said it has so much firepower, it makes brains spurt out of the ears when he shoots someone between the eyes.

-Our little boy grew up so fast.

-This tends to happen when you’re partially Voidsent.

The now reheated mulled wine had been poured in fancy glasses. Qih’wo sprinkled some orange zest, handing over the cup to his lover.

-Did he say anything else?

-Mmmh, yes. He wanted to know how we were organizing ourselves for Starlight this year. I said to come in the afternoon and to bring lots of wine.

-I see. (He took a sip. Ah! The warm spirit mixed with cardamom, cinnamon sticks, and star anise tasted like the holiday itself!) What would you like to cook for when he’s visiting?

-Some Xaela would be good.

-Xaela? Are we having an exotic appetite for Starlight?

-Sometimes, you have to go beyond traditions... Besides, their flesh is so gamey. It’s perfect for a roast if you ask me.

Qih’wo had a resigned smile. What will he do for his angel of death!

-Time to make some calls.

  
  
  
  


The three knocks on the door made his ears swished backward. Qih’wo hurried himself to the entrance to find his son, coat covered in a fine layer of snow. Raih’a, holding boxes with both of his hands, grinned largely when he saw his father. They both have been so busy, when was the last time they managed to see each other?

-Dad! Happy Starlight!

-Happy Starlight.

There was a brief embrace, firm and manly, -made awkward by the presents erected between them- as the two miqo’te exchanged a hug.

-Do you wish for me to put these under the tree?

-Yeah!

The presents switched hands, Raih’a stomped his feet on the rug, knocking down snow stuck to his soles. Suddenly, his nose twitched. He just caught a whiff emanating from the kitchen. As soon he was done with his jacket and winter boots, he followed the delicious smell. It was there he found Louis, bent over in the oven, carefully watching the roast.

-Man, smells good! What’s cooking?

Briefly abandoning the stove, Louis wiped his hands on his apron; ”THE THIRTEENTH’S BEST HELLSCOOK” could be read in big red letters. Eyes twinkling with joy, the amateur chef let out:

-Oooh, is the Ul’dahnese sharpshooter has arrived? Will you make our brains trickled from our ears?

-Pops, stop, haha!

-Also, because you’re my only child, I’m giving you a kitchen pass. Come here.

Tail twitching with excitement, Raih’a, has he was now allowed to do, peeked inside the oven. It was dark but he could still discern a vaguely Spoken form.

-Just you look at this! Your father got me a beautiful Xaela hunter. It’s not ready yet but I promise, by what is demented and malevolent, this will be delicious.

Qih’wo, who had finished piling the presents under the tree, finally joined them. Embracing Louis in a back hug, he kissed the notch of his beloved's neck before asking:

-Who would like some eggnog?

-I’ll take one, dad!

-Don’t bother to make two when you can make three.

-Am I adding some brandy in it?

-Some? Qih’wo, pour the whole bottle in it.

-Dear!

-What? Everything's better when you’re drunk.

-Fine, fine, we will do as you wish. If there something I learned in all those years, it is to never argue with you. It is useless.

-See, Rai’? Your father is the one wearing the pants, but I’m the one that decides when we take them off. This is where the real power lies.

  
  
  
  


In the dining room, a cozy fire crepitating gently in the demon wall chimney, bathing the area in its warmth and light. For the occasion, Louis had sewed some Saints hats to dress up the gargoyle sculptures. Smooth, holiday jazz played by the orchestrion; everything was perfect.

-There we go!

Louis was put down the final plate on the table. He smiled, removing his apron. He worked so hard but Abyss, was he happy. Happy. Satisfied. For a moment, the void that was filling his soul had faded away. When was the last time, in his millennia of existence, has he felt that?

He couldn’t know.

He took the time to gaze upon his labor.

The eyes were immediately drawn by the centerpiece. Golden, crispy skin glistening under a maple syrup glaze, a whole Xaela was lying on its stomach, arms tied behind its back. In its open mouth, a faerie apple, that had been caramelizing from all those bells of gentle roasting. Some stuffing was falling out of its eyes sewn shut, again, he had been too generous with the filling. The tail had been cut from the sacrum and plated seperatly. A cube of butter was slowly melting on its dark scales, covering the whole appendage in a coat of delicious grease. The side dishes were as appetizing: there was a colorful midland cabbage coleslaw, a heap of slow-cooked mashed popotoes and a bubbling winter squash gratin.

-This is so fucking great! (Raih'a sat to his usual spot, the one he only picked when he was a child.) Pops! You even kept the tail!

-Of course I did. I know how much you like it.

-Gimme!

-Please, intervened Qih’wo, Raih’a be careful. Do not take it with your bare hands, you will burn yourself.

-I’m an adult, I know what I’m doing!

Ah, the festivities, family… What more Qih’wo could ask? Everyone was happy and healthy. Raih’a was speaking with his mouth full, a Xaela scale stuck between his front teeth. Louis’ gloominess, from the previous sennights, was completely gone. He gently hovered to his lover, giving him a quick peck on the lips. Then, he raised his glass of wine.

-A toast to our family!

Raising his glass, Louis added:

-To the two people of this star I hate the less!

-Merry Starlight and happy Heavensturn! (Raih’a had to hurry up to chow down the xaelic meat.) I love you, dads!

-I love you, son.

Outside, a gentle, delicate snow was falling on Ul’dah in a heavy blanket. Bastien Maupassant, Voidsent hunter, couldn’t feel the tip of his fingers anymore. While his dexterity was less than usual, he still managed to load his rifle. Then, he aimed. That huge window in the dining room was giving him a perfect view of his three targets.

**Author's Note:**

> lol idk how this works i guess im a boomer


End file.
